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I'm just a depressive ball of non-sunshine...

I'm sure I'm wrong, but I fail at proving myself wrong, so somebody please prove me wrong.

My friends hate me, right?

I never talk to anybody, at least not about anything interesting...
Everybody wants to avoid me because I always ask to use somebody's phone.
Everybody acts put off because when I do talk, I only talk about Allan...

And nobody even wants me to do anything with them... I mean, regardless if you already know I can't go, it would at least be nice to know if you'd want me to come hang our or anything...

.....

You know, I bet it's from a lack of communication.... I almost never talk to any of my friends... Mostly because they don't talk to me first and I don't wanna messege them first to avoid seeming annoying BUT still....

I swear, I'm gonna do all i freakin can to get my license. Hopefully then, the 'rents will have gotten a minivan or something, and I'll instantly have more freedom... More likely if I have a job though...




Somebody please make a comment below and tell me I'm wrong and that you'll slap me for being so stupid with a smiley face after it...

Why 'Prayers for Bobby' affected me in the way that it did...

The below post was made over a year ago, when I first watched the movie, Prayers For Bobby.  I typed up this review the day after watching it, and the next day, my mom found out I'd watched the movie and chewed me out for it.
The below post was unfinished at the time of writing, and I haven't touched it since. The post is in the exact same condition it was when I first wrote it.
--------------------------------------------------------

'Prayers for Bobby'(viewable on YouTube HERE), was a deeply touching story for me. It is a movie that will have my undying respect as one that takes an issue and tackles it head-on.

The biggest grabber for me was the familiarity I felt as I watched it. 'Prayers for Bobby' is about a teenage christian boy, Bobby, who struggles with his sexual orientation. He comes out to his non-judgemental older brother, Ed, saying that he doesn't "dream about girls" like Ed, but that he "dreams about guys." Ed promises not to tell their mother, a devout Presbyterian Christian(did I say that right?). He breaks that promise, however, after Bobby considers scuicide via asprin overdose.

Booby's mother, Mary Griffith, is convinced that God can heal bobby of his 'homosexual problem' and does everything she can think of to cure him. Bobby, following all of his mother's advice, tries his best to follow God, but believes that God has forsaken him by not 'curing' him of his homosexuality.

"What's wrong with me? I wish I could crawl under a rock. God, do you enjoy seeing me stumble around this world like a stupid idiot? I think you must. There's probably some kind of pill somewhere that would heal my brain or there's probably some kind of vitamin that I'm not getting enough of." -- Bobby's diary entry for Sept. 28 198

Bobby went through the same things I did; He was a believer in God, he wanted so badly to be 'normal', he was scared of what would happen to him in the afterlife, he constantly questioned why God would let something like this happen to him, and his mother was so worried for him and convinced that God would 'fix' her beloved son.

I won't go into spoilers, but I will say that it was the most emotional movie I have seen. I cried (That's right, Momma, I CRIED watching a movie! I'm not so heartless when it comes to sad movies now, HUH?) so much with Bobby's confusion, his frustration, his want yet inability to become what his mother wanted of him, the climax, and David's reaction to the climax of the movie.

No matter how uncomfortable it may have been to sit, head on knees, arms tightly clutching my legs to my chest, in my computer chair, leaning to the left so the headphones didn't threaten to fall out of my ears, it was worth it.

If you're gonna watch this movie, I ask that you ignore any of the plot synopses you may come across. They give away too much of the plot, in my opinion.

P.S.

I wonder how much I may get ragged on by any of my peers at school who read this. Because not only did I react to a 'girly' movie (yeah, it was a Lifetime Original), but because it was a "GAY" movie. I don't expect to get anywhere near the same reaction out of my friends at school, because I'm sure that almost none of them have gone through anything similar to this.

(But if David keeps trying to hit on me, (or whatever the heck it is he's doing) I swear I'm gonna go off on him someday!)

Preview Post

I'm sick of screwing myself up. I'm sick of having to constantly lie to make my damn 'family' happy. I'm GAY and there's no changing that! I may not have been able to talk to him or see him in forever, but I still love Allan. He is the best thing to ever come into my life. And if people can't understand that they can't change who I am, then that's just their loss! No matter how much you try to isolate me, you're only working against yourself, letting me know that I have to work that much harder to prove you wrong.
I am who I am, and I love who I love. There's no changing me.

MAGNET

You do not give me a whiteboard for Christmas and expect me to use it like one would normally use a whiteboard....

Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I ended up drawing this, partly because I've been listening to Magnet like nonstop.

Compare the two...

It is a PAIN to try and color things in with these Dry-Erase markers! They always leave that white line around where you draw, so if you're trying to make a solid color, it'll be riddled with white lines...

But I just wanna know if I got the anatomy right... Does that really look like two decently-drawn people?
Then after drawing the arms, I remembered that the two people in the Magnet picture are more just holding eachother's hands, not each other.... so... Oops?

MAGNET

Original Japanese with English subtitles: Here

English Translation: Here  (This is the one I've been listening to)

I've been listening to this song like nonstop because now that I found out it's meaning, and even an English translation, it actually hits pretty close to home...

And it's a duet, too...  Wouldn't it be awesome to sing that with somebody? :D